More about a Need to be Right

I wrote an article on my Sue's Soul Glances blog about A Need to be Right. I gave one example there. I have another one to give here.

Someone I know did something to make a family member very angry. It wasn't the intention of the first person, but it happened. A letter was written expressing the second person's dissatisfaction with the first person. It was a letter of being right.

The person writing the letter angrily stated that the perceptions of the first person were wrong, both as a child and as an adult. While on the other hand the writer's perceptions were right as a child and an adult. Then the comment was made that no further discussion of the topic would be discussed.

The first person sat back with a look of astonishment. This was a typical I am right, you are wrong approach to a situation. What recourse did the first person have? If the door hadn't been shut, the first person could have addressed the issue and argued the point, or let it go and consider the source. The latter was chosen even though the door had been slammed shut.

Many times we feel the need to argue the point. We are right. We know we are right. And you are going to know it too! The other person has the same feelings and so an argument ensues.

While reading the letter, the first person saw the ambiguities in the letter and saw it for what it was: a need to be right. Since the reader was on a different life path than the writer it was a lot easier to just dismiss the letter and move on without addressing the issue.

Can you do that: dismiss something and move on without addressing the issue? Wouldn't it save a lot of bickering and hurt feelings if you did? Think about it and let me know how you stand on the issue of A Need to be Right.

Til Next Time!

©2008, L. Sue Durkin

Missed Holidays

Well, I missed another holiday. It seems this year, 2008, I have missed most of them. I forget to wish people a happy whatever by not sending cards, making phone calls, or sending out emails. About the only one I remembered this year was Mother's Day. My husband forgot to wish me a Happy Mother's Day and I, in turn, forgot to wish him a Happy Father's Day. The only reason we even remembered my birthday is because we met on that day. Some years he forgets the day. This year I did. I have a calendar on my computer that makes me aware of dates. It hasn't helped so far this year since I just close the notices down when they show up. Then I forget to do anything about them.

This 4th of July we didn't hang out the flag, have a barbecue or picnic, wish others a happy holiday, watch any fireworks from our front porch, or do any of the usual holiday actions. We had cold sandwiches for supper, slept most of the day, and either read or watched t.v. for the balance of time. Quite a boring day in fact. Not much different from most other days, except I usually cook more.

I'm a firm believer in the concept that everything happens for a reason. Since I use to love holidays with all the preparation for picnics or big dinners, decorating, and the interaction with others, what is the reason behind the holiday forgetfulness if I enjoy them so much? There must be an underlying meaning to all of this. Could it have something to do with the fact that it is just my husband and I since his mother passed in 2001? Could it be the area we live in and the lack of a social life since we have moved here? Have we gotten into a rut that is growing bigger and bigger?

This is a year of endings and beginnings. Now that I am so aware of my faulty holiday habits, perhaps I need to make some intentions to do better in remembering holidays and events. I could make lists of what to do on what holidays. Perhaps the month before the event I should setup internet cards to be sent out on a specific date, and get paper cards signed, addressed, and stamped for regular mailing at a certain time each month. I could reprogram my calendar for a time that I wouldn't be as apt to ignore the message it gives me.

Do you get into ruts in your life? Do you know how you got there? Do you know how to get out of them? It shouldn't be a difficult process, should it? I don't think so. Therefore, I am going to consciously attempt to do better with holidays. I have a few birthdays in the very near future. The next legal holiday for us is Labor Day. Let's see if I can get back on the track by then.

Til Next time!

©2008, L. Sue Durkin